A Reflection on Patience and Trust
My last five birth doula clients have been medical professionals.
Doctors and nurses to be specific.
Four of them were first time parents and one was a repeat client planning a Home Birth. All had taken my Evidence Based Birth childbirth education series and my Spinning Babies Parent Class and they were all well prepared for labor and birth.
Another unifying factor was that all of these women adamantly opposed an induction unless it was absolutely necessary for medical reasons.
Yet, all four first time mothers, at three different hospitals, eventually ended up agreeing to the use of medication in order to give birth to their babies. These inductions were long and difficult, as inductions usually are (especially when you are first time parents.)
As I’m processing each of these births on a much needed break, one thing keeps rising to the forefront of my mind.
Why are we so afraid to wait?
Three of these first time moms started having early labor signs and even contractions, but for one reason or another, went in to the hospital to be reassured that things were going well; which they were, only to be pressured into staying at the hospital instead of being encouraged to go home and resume the early labor stage in the comfort and security of their own space.
These were all moms who knew they would labor more effectively at home and had planned on staying home as long as possible.
They knew that early labor can literally take days, or even be off and on for weeks.
I know from experience how hard the waiting can be, but I also know that waiting is (almost) always the best option.
And yet, they wanted to know what was happening. They earnestly thought they would go in, get checked out, get information and then head home.
At best, I think when we try to know everything, we end up getting discouraged because we think we are going outside of what is considered “normal.”
Or, at worst, we are driven to make decisions based on the fear of what “could” happen.
Once they arrive at the hospital, they often begin hearing familiar phrases,
“Well, it’s been so many hours, and you are still only this many centimeters…”
”Your risks increase after so many hours of water rupture…”
“Your contraction pattern isn’t what we would like it to be…”
“We have seen some concerning heart rate variations …”
And countless other words, usually said with good intention, inspiring only anxiety.
Now I am not trying to criticize doctors or hospitals, and these moms made their own informed choices.
What I’m wondering is –
Why are we so afraid to wait for labor to begin?
Why are we so hesitant to trust our bodies to labor?
And how can we use the time in pregnancy to grow in this trust?
I recognize this is a complex question unique to every individual but my honest hope is to try to help each of my clients understand how they feel about themselves, their bodies, and their ability to give birth and to grow in the self awareness and confidence needed for the birth they all deserve.
A birth where fear is not a factor.
My homebirth mama and I had a conversation the day before she gave birth. She had been having off and on contractions for days. She was frustrated and trying to make good decisions about when to call her mom to come get her toddler or when to ask her husband to stay home from work. She wanted to stay open to whatever path this birth would take but it seemed so different from her last birth and she was really struggling.
After acknowledging how hard it is to trust the process, and joining her in shedding a few tears, I reassured her that I trusted her. I trusted her body and I trusted that no matter how her labor unfolded that she would be able to do whatever she needed before meeting her son.
One of the benefits of an out of hospital birth, is that you are encouraged to wait. Midwives generally expect first time moms to surpass the 40 week mark. According to the latest research, first time moms left to go into labor on their own, on average, give birth at 40 weeks +5 days.
(Most hospitals want inductions to begin by the 41 week mark.)
I’m definitely not saying that everyone should have an out of hospital birth.
But as I’m pondering why it seems so hard for a mom giving birth in the hospital setting to wait, it occurs to me that they are made to feel that waiting is inherently “risky.”
While risks do increase after you pass the 41 week mark, it’s important to recognize that your risks are still really, really low.
I think women are really forfeiting their deepest desires for their birth for so-called predictability and perceived safety.
Thoughts?
